For years I sought for what I seek. So many things inspired me--the flash of thunder, the susurrus of rain in the distance, the rising of the sun, the setting of the sun, the raging of unstoppable winds, the cold stillness of a silent and lonely winter evening from the environs of an open field as I looked upon the lighted silhouettes of homes in the distance, the hues of light, the sound of music, the shuddering sense of power one feels when experiencing the best that life has to offer...and the worst.
All of it inspired me. Nothing answered me. I searched for the answer with a blasphemous lust in eyes that should've been dead. Nothing.
And then, one dawn, I felt nothing. Nothing inspired me. I lay back, depressed in the abyssal grasp of nihilism that enfolded me. A black hole. Beyond the event horizon. Time began to lose it's significance. Days passed, as did months in a blurry daze, agonizing and exasperating me. I began to go insane. My facade began to fade. I pawed eagerly at every sign of hope I could see, like a hungry, starved dog. The thirst welled up in my eyes, I was haunted. Neither in hell nor in heaven; I walked in purgatory.
And then, as I walked past a building, much like the others around it at the first glance, I sensed it. I was walking unknowingly, with no destination, no purpose, no reason and no logic. Instinct guided me. My feet walked, I was engrossed in hallucinations.
It was a smell. A smell I had known forever. A smell, I smelled everyday. But it was different, this was different. I trudged into the structure and glanced around. The mob stared back at me even though their eyes and heads looked elsewhere. I saw a woman whose eyes were fixed onto mine. I spoke to her. She gave me a burning urn. The light was dim. I could not see what it was that made the urn so warm, what made the steam rise, almost melodiously. I touched it to my lips and tasted it. The heat was unbearable. Yet I drank it. I gulped it down. My mouth went numb, the corners of my eyes seemed to tear away, condensation formed over my nose and my senses oscillated. I shivered in the raw heat of the noon sun. The answer.
Mocha.
